It's officially 2009. We're living in the future. We've got devices in our pockets that contain more songs than a radio station. We've got portable telephones that double as computers and televisions. And yet I'm still not satisfied.This isn't the future that I was sold.
I was sold a future that featured Charlton Heston as the lone sane man in crazy world. And that's the future that I want.
Omega Man
Omega Man takes place in 1977 and features Chuck as lonely dude living in LA after biological weapons have decimated the nation.
Now you might be wondering why I'm pushing for that as the new status quo. Well, I neglected the mention the VIOLENT ALBINO MUTANTS THAT ONLY COME OUT AT NIGHT!Here we are some thirty odd years later, the movie's been remade and we're still without violent albinos, nocturnal mutants or vice versa. Don't you feel cheated now?
Planet of the Apes
According to the continuity of the series, there was supposed to be pet plague in the 1990's that would kill off cats and dogs and force people to adopt apes as pets. I'm allergic to cats and I don't care for dogs (free Michael Vick!) so this seemed like an awesome potential future. Plus when the apes finally took over I'd planned on being a "house man", field work just doesn't suit my constitution.Yet here we are nearly a decade into the new millennium, cats and dogs are still running rampant with nary an ape pet to be found. We should be watching Law & Order: Ape Tribunal or CSI Ape City right now.
Soylent Green
Now this one we still have a shot at. It takes place in 2022. Housing is cramped and worn down. Homelessness is everywhere and food is mad expensive. Oh yeah, we're right on track for Soylent Green.That's why I'm expecting Soylent products on the shelves any day now. I watch Bizarre Foods, I pop into Whole Foods, Soylent Green would not be that outlandish.
Especially if the Soylent folks tied the Green into "green" as in eco-friendly, people would give up their first born to be down with Soylent Green, and probably more than that.Honestly, I'd rather eat Soylent Green than Spam and certainly more than Potted Meat Food Product.
Man, the future can't get here soon enough!
I actually saw a violent albino on the train the other day screaming out profanities and such. I think he was rapping to some Ja Rule song. does that count?
ReplyDeleteLMAO@ Law & Order:Ape Tribunal. I'd totally watch that. poor dogs and cats. Where's PETA when you need them?
that spam made me throw up in my mouth a little.
i'm gonna eat that can of potted meat and review it soon.
ReplyDelete