The Grammy's...

So I was trying to figure out if I should watch TeenWolf on the ABC Family Channel or The Simpsons and then I realized, the Grammy's is on?! So I turned over to that channel and I realized that I missed a few minutes of it and Cold Play was already on Stage. So I kept the chanel there and continued to watch it and few things occured to me.

In this order:

Coldplay is really good.

what's the deal with every rapper saying they're Coldplay fans though? Ask any rapper who they listen to and they're gonna include Coldplay and I don't buy that for one minute.

Carey Underwood is from American Idol right? I guess I should stop making fun of that show, clearly they are a breeding ground for huge stars. Man she got some nice ass legs.

Here comes Leanne Rimes and Sheryl Crowe (I'm so not interested that I can't even be bothered to spell check thier names) to give out a lifetime achievement and Best Country duo something or other and this is exactly why I don't watch these fucking shows. Not that there's anything wrong with country music, i'm just not gonna be able to do this.

Maybe I should be Blogging about this.

Oh hey look, The Texhibitionist is "Live Blogging" The Grammy's. That should be good, she's funny. Maybe I'll just post a link to her "Live Blog thing and go to sleep.

Kid Rock, seriously, give me a break, what is his deal already? This whole southern gospel bullshit, what is this? I don't like this. Also that new song of his where he just sings over Sweet Home Alabama is awful.

So this Doublemint Gum commercial just reminded me that Chris Brown is not at the Grammy's because he allegedly beat the ba-jesus out of fine ass Rihanna?! That can't be true, I'm sure he's there right now.

(looks on internet and learns that Chris Brown is in some kind of major trouble and may or may not have went upside Rihanna's head)

I wonder if Jay Z is gonna pull a Sonny Corlione over this. That would be dope.

Taylor Swift and Molly Sirus, if I were a 13 year old white girl I would hype right now, where the hell is the remote?

I think it's cool that after a performance the "artists" have to present an award.

Good gravy! Jennifer Hudson is smoking hot. She lost a perfect amount of weight, she shouldn't get any smaller than that.

Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers? This is why I don't watch these things, this is really depressing. I wonder what's happening on Teen Wolf?

Cool a Blink 182 just announced thier reunion and nobody gives a shit.

I'm really baffled by Craig Fergusions celebrity. I can't understand a word he's saying, oh, he's introducing Katey Perry.

Katey Perry actually has a good voice, I heard her sing on the Howard Stern Show, so whats the problem here? She sounds like shit.

Also she can't dance and has a really lame stage presence. Her back up dancers are blowing her off the stage right now. She's resorted to hopping around to disguise from the fact that she can't dance.

Oh wow, Katey Perry is not even off the stage yet and here comes Kanye with his damn mullet swagga jackin' the hell out of Billy Ocean.

Him and this fucking mullet too, what's good with that? for real.

This "American Boy" song featuring Estelle (who wasn't even introduced) is one of the best pop songs I've ever heard. Seriously. This performance is kinda boring though.

Kanye and Estelle have to give an award to Adele, the fat white girl who sounds black, her album is boring but her voice is really good. I actually have that album in the car right now, true story.

Morgan Freeman is introducing Kenny Chesney, but who cares, I can't take my eyes off of Freemans fake arm. I think he lost it in that car wreck he was in.

Hey, maybe the set of The Dark Knight was cursed?

Natalie Cole, who apparently won a Grammy Already, Herbie Hancock and Diddy are presenting Record of ther year to Robert Plant who looks so damn bizarre compared to how he looked in Zeplin that I can't even think straight, and Alison krauss.

I swear at one point the "Record of The Year" was an award given to songs that people actually heard. What is this? Also Diddy is shitting on everything with the Lavender Leather Jacket.

Harlem stand up.

Queen Latifa is introducing Jay Z, T.I., Lil'Wayne, and Kanye and she's really talking them up as if life as we know it gonna be different forever after this performance.

They're performing "Swagga Like Us" and it's sucking. This is kinda sorta cool I guess though, mostly because M.I.A sang a little bit of "Paper Planes" before letting the song bleed into the "Swagga Like Us" sample hook.

Kanye's verse is crazy, Jay Z looks old, and this is getting boring. If this is as good as this show is gonna get, I'm done.

This Dave Grohl and Paul McCartney team up is cool in theory. In Theory.

I'm officially watching the rest of this in Fast Forward:

Jay Mohr just made an ass of himself by yelling something about Farmers Blvd. and LL Cool J looks like he's embarrassed for him. This is why I tuned in.

RadioHead and USC's Marching Band, this is pretty cool if not a reminder that no idea is original.

T.I. and Timberlake, great. this is not awful, but it's doing nothing for me. I'm really just trying to survive this show at this point. I've never really been a big fan of T.I. and I'm generally only interested in paying attention to Justing Timberlake when he's on Saturday night live. He's one of the best hosts of that show in the last 10 years next to Alec Baldwin, on the low.

A tribute to the 4tops with Smokey Robinson, Jamie Foxx, Ne-yo, and the last living 4top. This is a cool melody, even though they didn't sing Bernadette. I'd be a real dick to say something slick about this performance, what with a 3rd of the 4tops being dead and all. I have a good one though.

Neil Diamond doing karaoke, next.

Lil Wayne, Robin Thicke and some other folks in a tribute to New Orleans. I guess they're just gonna crowbar Lil Wayne into every facet of entertainment.

Wil.I.Am us a douche, there I said it. He and T-Pain are about to give Lil Wayne the Rap Album of the year award but they're gonna pretend that they might give it to JayZ, T.I., Nas, or Lupe Fiasco, who in my opinion had the best album of all those nominees, but what do I know.

I'm not really mad that Lil Wayne won, especially when I see how happy he is to recieve the award. He really cares about this award too, like, he litterally kicked up his heels when they called his name. So I guess he should have it.

Here's Robert Plant, who looks like an old lady who forgot to take his estrogen, again. And hey cool, they asked Green Day to give Plant and Alison Kraus the album of the year award.

I'm going to have to download that album because I swear that's the 3rd one they got. Also, Alison Krause has officially won more grammys than any other woman which is cool I guess.

That was awful.

I guess thats as good as you could make an award show. It was certainly streamlined, considering that there's over 100 categories and they only showed like 10, if that. It would have been really brutal to watch every category as apposed to the shitty performances I just watched.

Still, I feel like I would have had more fun if I had just watched Teen Wolf.