Dead Chicks Who Could Catch One.

I'm going to be real with you; if time travel was a possibility I'd abuse the hell out of it. I'm not one of those people that's all "I'm going go back and kill Hitler as a child" because I'm 100% against killing children. And I won't move from that stance not even for Hitler. Not even for Rush Limbaugh.

I'm also not one of those people who's going to try to get a sports almanac from the future and use it in the past. Or is that the present? See that's why I hate time travel, because I always get confused. And that's why I'm using my time machine to score with dead chicks, before they kick it.




Pearl Bailey

In her heyday, Pearl Bailey was kinda hot. She'd be an excellent notch to have on the bedpost. Plus you know she's going to whip up a nice post-coital bite to eat after the appetite's been worked up. You can just tell she'd throw down in the kitchen.

And really, how often do you get to score with a Black Republican? That alone is worth jumping in the time machine.

Elizabeth Montgomery


I can't front, she's a childhood crush I had. I always found her incredibly attractive, even when I could barely understand the feelings. Maybe it was the lightly scolding tone in her voice when she'd be talking to Dick Sargent, I still can't properly articulate it, she just did/does it for me.

Tammi Terrell


I'm a sucker for singers. Tammy was a bit of a cutie back in the day. One of the benefits of dying young is that you don't face the horrible ravages of aging that transform you into a cruel parody of your former glory (see Diana Ross.) I'm trying to be the inspiration for "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"

Yvonne De Carlo
Yet another childhood crush. She's clearly the reason why some Goth chicks pique my curiosity and why I find Halloween the sexiest time of year. Plus that'd put me like 1 degree from the awesome Chuck Heston, as she co-starred in the Ten Commandments.

Aaliyah
I don't really have to explain this one to y'all, right?