Point/Counter Point - Crack a Bottle

Point; By Skip Serpico:

When you think of Aftermath you think of 50 Cent, Eminem, Dr. Dre, and depending on what day it is Joell Ortiz, Eve, Rakim, Game, Busta Rhymes and Truth Hurts. But mostly you just think of those first three. So a song featuring those three should be amazing, right?



Dude, "Crack a Bottle" is the worst Aftermath single ever.


It's so bad I wonder how it even got released. I mean, I know that label execs are notoriously clueless when it comes to matters of musical taste, trends and even "good" music vs "bad" music, but the fact that this song was offered up to the masses is just another example of the lack of quality product that is killing the music industry.

"Crack a Bottle" is so bad that I'm going to use it to replace "break a leg" as what I say to people I know before they hit the stage. "Crack a Bottle" might usurp "oh the humanity" in my personal lexicon for phrases used when witnessing a tragedy of horrific proportions.

What's wrong with the song? Where to begin? How about at the beginning? I haven't heard a chorus this wack since Nas' Nastradamus album. It's clunker. "Waddle" and "bottle" isn't a rhyme that should be found anywhere outside of a preschool. And a call for "rubbers?" I'd call it lazy but it's actually a lot of work to dredge up the most outdated reference for prophylactics and insert it in your chorus. I mean "jimmy hats" couldn't have sounded any more awkward than "rubbers."

And Dre seemed to have completely phoned it in. I understand that he's suffered a tragic loss in his personal life, so I'll take easy on hi…wait a minute, he's starring in beer commercials? Oh, the gloves are off.

What good is Dre? Whoever ghost-produced "Crack a Bottle" is clearly mimicking the "past his prime" Dr. Dre who'd "been there and done that." Dre, as a talent, is worthless. I've taken pebble dumps where my turds hit the toilet water in a more melodious splashing.

I'm sure that by now everyone' heard the temp track with Em rhyming the lyrics he wrote for Dre. It's awesome in it's hilarity. He doesn't write his lyrics or make his own beats. Whereas he was once the Marlon Brando of "The Godfather" Dre has become the bloated parody that was Marlon Brando in "The Island of Dr. Moreau."

And then you've got 50 Cent. I haven't seen someone squander such minimal talent and become a bigger punchline since Flavor Flav. This guy's been hitting the same three notes for six years. I've seen less repetition in the background of a Hanna-Barbera cartoon. I mean even Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler switch up their overgrown raging Id man-child roles every now again, why can't 50 do that on a record?

Sure, there's a chance that Joell Ortiz, Eve, Rakim, Game, Busta Rhymes and Truth Hurts could have collaborated on a song that might conceivably be worse than "Crack a Bottle", but since they're no longer affiliated with the label it's moot. The only thing we know for sure is that "Crack a Bottle" is the worst Aftermath song ever to get radio play.

Counterpoint; By Jay1:

Dude, you're buggin. "Crack A Bottle" isn't the worst Aftermath single to get radio play.

It's the worst lead single ever.

Especially from an established multi platinum selling artist whose return to music was being regarded as some sort of sign that the music landscape was going to be different and better because of his return.

"Where's the rubbers? Who's got the rubbers?"

Are you fucking kidding me? The beat is so-so, all the verses are "OK" at best, nobody really kills it, the hook is hilariously bad and I've been to bars and clubs and parties and that shit don't even knock in there.

Worst. Lead single. Ever.