Twitter Tuesday Featuring Frankie Nichelle!

Todays "Tuesday Twitter" was contributed by Frankie Nichelle, she's a dear friend of Fish And Spaghetti and a writer of a hilarious blog called The Texthibitionist.

Check her blog out and take a look at what happend to her this week on Twitter:




"So I ruined a marriage the other day on twitter...

And Twitter is fairly new and I haven't seen many news stories about people being abducted through twitter or a man being killed because he wouldn't let his step daughter check her twitter replies like with myspace.

I'm not sure if this is the first marriage to be ruined because of twitter, but it's certainly not the first break up over twitter.


So one day this random dude started following me on twitter. I'll pretty much follow anyone who follows me as long as they aren't trying to sell me something, offer me a work-from-home job, or give me tips on parenting simply because I updated my status saying a baby was staring at me on the bus so I got the urge to punch it.

I saw that he'd been frequently twatting Skip Serpico, so I suppose that's how he found me. Aside from the thumbnail picture of this dude on the side of the screen (which I totally just found out this morning that when you click on it, it expands), I had no idea what the dude looked like. Quite frankly, I didn't care because 70% of my followers have some sort of fake-cartoon/character-type profile picture. Having a face to match to a tweet about how you have the bubble guts after eating a questionable, 3 day old egg salad sandwich isn't important to me. I'm not sure what his bio said because, again, it wasn't important to me. How do you adequately describe yourself to someone in something called a "one line bio" tab? YOU DON'T!

I made a blog entry about my love for tattoos. He mentioned that he had some tatts and I asked what they were. I was just making conversation and would've settled for "I got a cross on my leg" or some shit, but he volunteered to email pictures of said tattoos. It was so innocent that he even photoshopped out everything besides the tattoos...even to the point where I couldn't tell where the tattoos were located. No face shots. No ab shots. No dick shots...NOTHING! hell, I didn't even give him my main email address.

After that, our 140 character twitter conversations were no more intimate, arousing, flirtatious, or interesting than every other twitter conversation I have. In fact, I've flirted more with faux twitterers like Orange Oscar, Alf, and Mr. Hanky than I ever did with this dude. He responded to my tweets the same way he responded to everyone else he was following, both male and female. He was just a bored military dude away from home with nothing better to do. ACTUALLY, he could've been in a motel snorting coke off of the bathroom floor with 3 tranny hookers, but instead he was innocently talking to me about........the weather, food, and me not knowing who Drake was.

One morning, the dude publicly tweeted that his wife was mad because she found out he had a twitter account. I suggested that he tell her to join twitter so she'd see that it was the most innocent social networking website out here. well, later on that night, the dude tweeted the following: Hey Frankie ... I hope you and J******** have fun together ... all your conversations got deleted accidentally by him ...

*blank stare*

Now being that I'm not a tourist in the town of Adultery, I knew this was his wife. She seemed pissed and confused, but she wasn't rude toward me. Had she been rude, I would've told her that she better take a trip to the free clinic because my vajayjay was smelling funny and quite itchy.

As it turns out, none of my conversations with him got deleted. We simply did not have any conversations unless you count the 2 (at most 3) replies we sent one another about every 3-4 days. I'm not sure how often everyone else sends replies, but me and Skip Serpico have gone LIKE 5+ hours tweeting each other back and forth without flirting ONCE. Sometimes "good morning" really means good morning and when someone tweets "what should I eat for lunch?", they honestly want a suggestion and maybe, just MAYBE, "LOL" is used when something funny happened. There's no secret sex language being used.

We were just talking via twitter! It's not like I was seducing her man with chicken tetrazinni!



She said: It's a little different when your husband is away girl ... and you find out he belongs to a website .. talking to some chick he don't know.

Well, shit she said it herself "some chick he don't know". W didn't even know each other's government names, phone numbers, or ages! It's not like it was a freakin dating website! Any man who could get some ass in 140 characters deserves a goddamn prize and seeing as how we were in different time zones, it would've required a flight. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? I challenge ANY man (celebrities included) to get a chick to get on a plane and fuck you in 140 characters. Go 'head! Try it!

She said: All I'm saying is that you guys were talking a lot and too flirty and personal for me girl .. he would bug if that was me .. double standard

After she said that, I was a little annoyed because I'm so anti- the double standard bullshit. Still, I'm not Dr. Phil and that wasn't my problem to deal with.

She mentioned how we played pictionary together.

Pictionary is played in a chat room type setting with about 7 other strangers. There really isn't much room for flirting, cyber sex (do people still do that??), or hooking up when you're busy trying to figure out (in 17 seconds) that the picture the host is drawing is actually a whale and not an ear of corn.

She mentioned how he asked to see pictures of me.

Well the picture I used to have on twitter was taken of me when I was about 6 years old. The minute he asked to see an updated picture of me, I stopped him in his tracks and asked if he'd request of picture of me if I was a dude. I ended up showing him an updated picture simply because his fear of feeling like a Chris Hansen subject was understandable. Even though there was no flirting going on, no grown man wants to get caught talking to a 6 year old girl on the internets. The updated picture was a good, clean, fully clothed and very innocent picture of me.

I'm not a home wrecker or whore. I'm an alternative form of entertainment. I did my part and told the truth. I had nothing to lose and nothing to hide. I tweet everything from gyno appointments to the after effects of eating a pit beef sandwich with extra horseradish. If I did do sex stuff with him, I would've tweeted that shit! Despite my tweets about it being SO long since I've been laid that I've resorted to shoving my belt buckle down my panties so the security at the club would have a reason to aggressively feel me up, she didn't believe me. In fact, the worst part about possibly ruining this marriage is that I didn't even get fucked! It's enough to anger me. He wasn't my type though

So she basically said "they" were fine without him...meaning her and their daughter. *shrugs*

This whole twitperience was bogus and deserving of a fail whale martini..."