Dear Jay-Z

So, I finally copped The Blueprint 3. It was what it was.

But that last track really stirred something inside of me. It stirred up something fierce. Fierce enough that I felt compelled to compose an open letter to Jay-Z.

Ah, I guess I can share it with y'all.




Dear Jay-Z,

Think for one fucking second. The fuck are you doing?!

Are you a great emcee or not? What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about, hey I spent good, hard earned money on an album with at least one god-awful song? What don't you get about it?

Oh, I'm sure you'd say "I'm an artist and I was feeling that beat." Oh, good for you. And how was it? I hope it was fucking good, because The Blueprint 3 is ruined now. Fuck's sake man, your taste in 80's music is amateur.

Young Guru should've had something to say to you. Somebody should be fucking watching you and keeping an eye on your beat selection because it's the second time you've picked a truly regrettable 80's song to pour your heart into.

I'm trying to enjoy an album and I'm going "why the fuck is Jay rhyming over that beat? What is he doing?" You understand my mind is not on the album when you're rhyming over Alphaville?

If you're going to rhyme over corny samples stay off the fucking mic man. Fuck's sake!

You're unbelievable man. You're un-fucking-believable. The number of time you're rhymed over corny 80's samples. I've never seen a "great emcee" behave like this. It's like you didn't know that cool was in the 80's. That's what that is man, I'm telling you. I'm not asking, I'm telling you. You wouldn't have picked "Forever Young" otherwise.

You want me to stop buying your albums? Then quit picking wack beats. And you are picking wack beats. You do it one more fucking time, I'm writing you off completely. I'm fucking serious. You're a talented emcee, a really talented emcee, but nice rhymes don't fucking cut it over wack samples.

You. Do. Not. Get. It.

Seriously man, Alphaville? You and me, we're fucking done on a consumer level.