Aquarium Warz Vol.3-Turtle Soup:The Rise Of Rainbow...

Happy New Year, and welcome to the debut of the wonderful world of me, Silent Murda, here at “fish and spaghetti”.

Seeing as how this is FISH and spaghetti (tell a friend to tell a friend if you haven't already) I thought I'd kick things off by telling y’all a true story about some real live FISH shit that unfolded at about 5:45pm est time Tuesday, somewhere in my magical palace AKA The lost City of ANTlantis.

I was smack in the middle of watching Clint Eastwood’s new flick Grand Torino on HD-BLD ( High Definition Boot Leg DVD) in my living room, and my daughter walks in and interrupts to ask “hey, can a catfish eat a turtle?”

Me being focused as hell on that HD-BLD responded, “nah turtles have shells, shits too hard” and waved the senorita off.

10 min later however, she returned with her friend and the same question, but this time she ended it with “oh well, I'm jus asking because the turtles’s not in the fish tank anymore and I didn't take him out”.

So I as I got up and made my way to the tank to have a peek, sure enough, that damn turtle was gone. Not a trace to be found. I also noticed the fat ass Redtail Catfish sunken in the corner lookin’ like somebody tied his tail to a brick and dropped him into the bottom of a river. I took a closer look and the brick that sunk his ass was our beloved RAINBOW the turtle!

I turned and said, “damn kid u was right, that fish ate that damn turtle!

So as the young ladies stood in shell shock (get it?) and eyes swelling up wit tears, ready to concede to the fact that RAINBOW the turtle was on his way to that big river in the sky, I said “y’all can't be serious, I'm not goin' out like that, yall ready for surgery?!"

They said “what?” And I said “what, are yall deaf?! I said are yall ready for surgery, because I lost too many good fish to the violence and cold world that is that fish tank (Exhibit A Pictured below, the recently deceased pet fish, "The President".) , I’m getting that damn turtle out of that damn fish now!”

I told the girls "go get me some rubber gloves and fast, we don't have alotta time here, and not those skimpy perm gloves, bring the big rubber yellow ones, and bring me that big green fish net too!"

And like good operating room techs that the girls followed all the directions and once I slipped those bad boys on, it was show time.

I scooped that fish out that tank, squeezed him by his fin and applied pressure to his jawbone until that bad boys mouth popped open and I could see RAINBOW floating around in the belly of the beast.

What I couldn't tell though, was if he was alive or dead so with my free hand I attempted to stick my fingers in and drag RAINBOW out but my fingers were too big and all I ended up doing was pushing him deeper into the abyss.

All wasn’t lost though because I noticed RAINBOW legs moving and I quickly told the girls to hand me a set of tweezers and I got busy.

I was able to grab young RAINBOW by his shell and pull him to his ultimate freedom. As RAINBOW slowly made his way back across that finish line from hell and the sweat dripped from my forehead, I turned to the girls and said “we did it…we made it yall...he’s alive."

The whole room burst into cheers, woo-haa’s and screams of YESSS!

It was perfect. I couldn't have drew that shit up any iller if you had the best weed and mushrooms in the world.

And as I pulled the rubber gloves off all I could think was damn, that was some crazy shit, why didn't any body record that or take pictures while I was going in and they all politely laughed and called me crazy.

But that I am.

And they appreciated as I knew (hoped) you would. It crossed my mind to throw RAINBOW back into the cesspool and try to recreate his almost untimely death but this time prepared with cameras rolling but I said nah. I don’t got time for that shit, this was my only day off, they either gonna believe it or not, fuck it.

So I typed this shit up and took some pics of all the major players in the movie and that's my Tru Hollyhood Story, it is what it is and its always poppin’, hope you enjoyed. Peace.

-SILENT MURDA-

P.S. I'll be back, Oh yeah, ill be back, the saga continues...it always does.