OK, so, hooray already, Obama, Blah-Blah-Blah, lets rock right?Right.
I was actually watching Futurama on comedy central before I found out that a big ass party was going down on the TV and as soon as I flipped to the channel I saw the
I realize that this show has been on for a while and I missed a big Obama speech or something.
I left TV on that channel and a few things occured to me. In this order:
1.I wonder if it bothers Beyonce to sing this song now, because that movie was such a flop I'm sure that the embarrassment of that movie is now linked to that song for her like it is for me. The Obamas look like a happy couple and that's dope.
Also Beyonce's nipples are LUNGING out at me, seriously, click the picture for a larger view if you don't believe me. The hell is that dress made of?
2.Jaime Fox seems drunk. I wonder if he's drunk. Oh look, it only took him 20 seconds to make an inappropriate joke about Obama's blackness. Great.
3.Man Stevie Wonder lost all the hair on top of his head but he's still rocking the braids or dreads or whatever that is. If he could see, I bet he would've shaved his head by now. I think letting him walk around like that is criminal, his handlers should be ashamed.
4.There are too many people singing "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" right now.
Also, I don't think I've ever wanted Mary J. Blidge more than I do right this moment.
5.I hate Shakira's voice, I'm baffled by her celebrity. She's not even hot. I'm not even gonna post a picture of her when I blog about this later.
6.Wowzers, there's a super bad mulatress named Spirit being interviewed. Apparently, her mom was part of the little rock 9 and she's talking about how she won an essay writing contest to be here tonight. she got a big ol' wide navel that I can see through her dress. those are the types of human flaws I find hot. (this post was delayed for hours because I was busy looking for a picture of this broad)
7.Ray Romano? He still does stand up? Wow, he's bombing hard, also I just saw a really hard edit, I think he said an off color joke that got cut. He's REALLY bombing. This is a train wreck.
8. Jesus, here's Jay-Z, with a live band, singing a wack song I've never heard. Why is he telling people to put their lighters in the air? Surely all lighters were confiscated on the way in.
9.Ok, Jay-Z and these fucking glasses. What the fuck already? Who is dressing this dude? Clearly he's surrounded by yes men. Or maybe he's trying to force some sort of trend. Maybe every one's wearing these stupid glasses and I didn't notice, maybe I'm the one who's bugging.
10.No, he looks stupid. And this song is boring. The "Put your lighters up" being part of the chorus but not a single lighter being put up is hysterical. I remember reading that Obama is a Jay-Z fan and is able to quote his "American Gangster" album. I wonder if he likes that "My President Is Black" song, I don't have a problem with that song, I just think it sounds like Jay-Z pulled that verse out of his ass and the whole "My president is black/My Car is Blue..." thing is fucking absurd. Honestly, that can't be the type of Hip Hop we're gonna be dedicating to the first black president. And the glasses seriously, what is that?
11.Alicia Key's is just great. I just wanna smell the fingers of whatever guy or allegedly girl gets to regularly kiss her goodnight.
12.What's all this then?! 15 weirdos on trampoline shoes? I put on a tux for this? How much is this costing the American people again? Fox News is gonna have a field day with this.
13. Great, Shakira, singing a song I've never heard in my life, this whole party has officially Jumped The Shark.
14.Obama's being interviewed by TNT's Sheryl Miller. Oh wait, my bad.
15.Vanessa Williams is a Milf-and-a-half
and she's introducing...
16.Dear God, it's Stevie Wonder and his giant head. Singing something off the B-Side of The Woman in Read Apparently. No wait, is this a new song? Whatever.
17.God bless Stevie for keeping the harmonica alive. Like who else besides him, Beck and John Popper even still knows how to play that thing.
18.And speaking of Stevie, Why the hell is Stevie doing Celebrity Dance club or whatever that is? He can't possibly be in need of money. What lifestyle is he trying to keep up? He could live in a studio apartment and not know the difference. Honestly.
19.I'm dying for one of those Dominoes Pizza sandwiches, I heard they're gross, but I gotta try one.
20.Leonardo DiCaprio looks crazy uncomfortable the way he's all smushed into the crowd like that. That one dude is breathing down his kneck hard.
Also, I'm now convinced that Obama is a mutant and his mutant super power is clearly the ability to turn A-List celebrities into sycophants.
21.Hey look, it's Joe Bidden, I swear I really forgot that he even existed for a minute. He really lucked out politically. Everyone in the crowd is probably gonna use this opportunity to go pee or smoke, or take a hit of acid or something.
22.Kerry Washington looks stellar, who's she introducing? Faith Hill? C'mon DVR, lets rock.
23.Hey cool, Lucy Liu. Star of "Charlies Angels" and "Charlies Angels 2:Full Throttle"! Awesome!!
And she's introducing Sting and...dear God, Stevie Wonder and his harmonica machine.
24. They're singing "Brand New Day", this must be the finale. I wish Faith would come out so that she and Sting could do a tribute to Biggie. That would be dope in the worst kind of way. Man, Sting's beard is gnarly. I was about to shave but fuck that, I'm riding my beard out for the rest of the winter.
25. Wow, that's a nice crowd shot. There sure were alot of people there. Holy shit, look at how that broad is staring at Denzel Washington, she wants him bad. I bet if her husband caught her staring like that they would have a super awkward ride home after that.
26. Obama's back out with his michelle, talking about something or other.
27. So, the shows over and the credits are rolling while circus performers twirl on ribbons or some shit. I should pay attention to the credits, clearly these producers are the most important people in TV. Maybe I can pitch my awesome Hip Hop game show to one of them.
28. Well that was fun, I'm sure everyone on that stage feels super validated about thier career.
29. I can't wait to test out that electric blanket tonight. It has a remote!
My daughter and I also thought Jay Z's song and look was crazy, especially the part about the lighters. She said the exact same words as you did, nobody had no damn lighters up in there, he didn't know that? That song sucked and it was boring! This whole blog is funny, keep writing.
ReplyDeletethanks yo.
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