Friday Face Off: "April Madness/Spring Cleaning" Edition: "The Final 4"

Welcome Back to our most outlandish installment of Friday Face Off yet. The "April Madness" aka "Spring Cleaning" tournament!

Today we continue our excruciatingly over drawn process to decide who will be in the finals of arguably the internets most intense and well thought out examination of completely meaningless, imaginary nonsense.

We considered every fictional Housekeeper on television and decided on this final 4. This isn’t about whether or not they're funny or beloved charactors or not, it’s about which one of these “people” would we have the most faith in taking care of our crib, personal belongings and possibly children.

In case you missed it, you can find out how we decided on the brackets here, and if you missed the first round, you can find that here.

Ok, let’s get it on.




First up, we'll start with Mrs. Garrett vs. Alice Nelson:

Mrs. Garrett as you already know was the housekeeper with a heart of gold who took care of Mr. Drummond’s personal property as well as his teenage daughter and his 2 strange, adopted black kids on the show "Diff’rent Strokes".

She got her most props in this competition from the fact that the idea of caring for a single man and his daughter one day and then caring for two more kids on top of that is a daunting task and worthy of praise. She was also very efficient and even motherly in a lot of ways. She even went to Harlem long before Bill Clinton made it fashionable.

Though it could be argued that she didn't really have to work hard at all. There's a paper trail suggesting that Mr. Drummond only took in the Jackson brothers to get a foothold into the gentrification of Harlem.

Alice Nelson has essentially the same responsibly as Mrs. Garrett, only doubled. When Mr. Brady lost his wife, Alice was there, cooking and cleaning up after him and his kids. Oh and comforting them in their time of deep mourning.

When he remarried, she stayed (even though the wife came with 3 extra kids of her own and didn’t work). So all in all she was a cook, a cleaner, and to a certain degree, a surrogate mother to the boys. Add to the fact that she had a much longer tenure (don’t forget that Mrs. Garrett eventually bailed on the Drummonds to work with Tootie, Joe, Blair and the fat one) and had to deal with 6 kids. 7 if you include the mom who was usually on the phone while Alice tried to cater a meal that shut up eight different noise holes.

If we had to hand over the keys to stately Fish&Spaghetti Manor to one of these ladies, we’re gonna have to go with Alice.

Winner: Alice Nelson



Next: Geoffrey Butler vs. Mr. Belvedere

Geoffrey Butler, the dry witted Englishman who was in charge of making fat jokes about his boss caring for the Banks residence.

It was a handful, what with the spoiled kids who could’ve (and frankly should have) been taking care of themselves the whole time. Still, the work load as well as the fact that he was a classically trained British butler, means that he’s the type of class act that anyone would love to have in their home for washing their socks or answering the door or making a grilled cheese or just standing around in a tux looking dignified.

Mr. Belvedere is also a classically trained British butler with an almost identical skill set to Geoffrey on paper. Considering the fact that Mr. Belvedere was older, we can assume he has more experience cleaning up after people and being a British prick.

Add that to the fact that the household that he looked after was far more challenging and he played an important part in keeping that home in order. Geoffrey on the other hand sometimes spent entire episodes standing around in dignifed manner. Mr. Belvedere was woven into the family's fabric so deep that at times with the same (sometimes more) power, authority and respect than the parents who were eventually relegated to being extras.

Sorry, G. You funny and all that but while we’re out working double shifts, we think we need Mr. Belvedere holding down the fort.

Winner: Mr. Belvedere

Next Friday: The Finals (Finally).