Point/Counterpoint: Porn Star Wife?

Point, By Jay1:

I can understand how a dude can “date” or just “hang out” with a porn star (retired or active), but the idea of settling down with or willingly marrying one is just insane to me. I, unlike Skip Serpico, believe that it would be a huge mistake for a few reasons.



First, right off the top, there are the social ramifications. How would you feel going to a family reunion and having your cousins or uncles recognize your wife as someone they’ve seen butt naked and handling a group of sweaty men? I know that everyone has skeletons in their closet but not everyone’s skeleton involves bukake and double anal. Seriously, that is a tacky, awkward scenario that will probably ruin Thanksgiving dinner, or your grandma’s 80th or wherever you decide to drag this broad.

Imagine that instead of her being recognized at a family reunion, she’s actually recognized at school or daycare when the two of you go pick up your kids?

The saying goes “lady in the street, freak in the sheets” (or some variation of that depending on where you grew up), not “Freak in the bed, freak on DVD’s and websites all over the world that people will recognize when you go out”.


We all know that almost anyone you date has “been with” someone before you, but that would have to be where I draw the line.

Imagine going to a bar or a club with her. You know how many drunk idiots are gonna be asking for pictures? Or just grabbing her ass for no reason?

Now you have to risk getting your ass kicked in a bar fight over a girl that everyone in the club has seen with jizz on her face on the internet already. Yeah, that’s a real good look.

At least a regular chick doesn’t have a video documentary that details all the wild shit that went down before she got with you! And how crazy do you have to be to go into porn? Seriously. Does anyone doubt that whoever goes into porn, man or woman isn’t bat-shit crazy?

Also, she’s probably not ever going to be completely out of the porno game because I’m pretty sure there’s no Porn Star 401K plan. So a “retired” porn star is pretty much just a “porn star on hiatus”.

I know what you’re thinking, “most of those reasons are a reaction to people’s opinion of her, which shouldn’t matter to you if you love her”, and that may be true. So lets consider another aspect that doesn’t involve other peoples opinion.

Herpes.

I like to gamble. I play poker. I know about odds. You show me a porn star that you think doesn’t have herpes and I’ll bet my house that she probably does.

So we’re talking a crazy factor, multiplied by a skank factor, plus a disease factor. That’s some really bad math right there homie.

So yeah. As far as I’m concerned, even though I’m sure she’d be gorgeous and have a smoking hot body and that the sex would be great, settling down with a porn star is a huge fucking mistake.
Counterpoint, By Skip Serpico:

Jay1, you ignorant slut.

First off, if your wiz is college educated she’s done some stuff that would make a full on porn star blush. And if she’s done the whole Spring Break thing she’s done stuff that you’d have to pay a porn star double their rate to do.

Spring Break is just a porn job fair with alcohol.

If you’ve got a girlfriend and she didn’t lose her virginity to you that means she’s done some dirt. Think about what you’ve done with your exes, where you were a horny teenager or a drunk on freedom college student? Yeah man, your girl has been there and done that. And don’t even try to use the “there’s no video evidence” because it’s the year 2009 and every chick’s been in front of a camera at least once.

And let’s really emphasize how gloriously amazing that sex is going to be. This is someone who’s done it all and will probably be willing to do it again, with you! She’ll be down for whatever. Threesome? She had two before lunch. Anal? She’s already lubed and ready. HJs, BJs and even ZJs. It’d be so awesome not to have to beg or plead. Plus I could stop buying Roofies.

Have I mentioned the celebrity factor? The porn convention in Las Vegas is a big deal. It’s a huge deal. The stigma that porn used to have isn’t really present. The line between regular entertainment and adult entertainment is blurry as hell.



You’d have a wife, who has her own money, is a celebrity and you benefit from all that entitlement. The parties. The swag. The chance to trade up at some point later down the line.

Real talk; one of the first things I learned how to do in school was share. As a result I wouldn’t have problem if she was still active in the game. It’s a gig and a job just like anything else. It’s like one step beyond dating an actress and half a step past dating a video starlet.

Let’s get back to the sex. Think about the new horizons she could open you up to. "The Rusty Trombone". "The Dirty Sanchez". "The Slunky". "The Philly Cheesesteak". "The Porkpie Hat". "The Flower Pot". "The Dirty Dishwater".

You could fully check off your sexual bucket list.

I should also point out that the entire concept of “cheating” would be defunct. She has sex for a living. As long as you’re open about it and ask permission I’m betting you’d get the “ok” to occasionally sleep with one of her costars. Or two. At the same time.

And again, in this day and age, with internet porn, Girls Gone Wild and homemade sex tapes, who’s to say that the next girl you meet won’t be a porn star to some degree? Some of you are dating porn stars right now.

It could be you.

It could be you.

Or, it could be you.