Adventures In Banking...

So in an attempt to not leave my dudes here at FishAndSpaghetti hanging on the writing end of things, I decided to do what I do best and indulge in some fuckery, since I am on vacation and all. You know, the kind we all love and hate depending on how it effects our bottom line. And as you can see by the heading above today’s edition is sponsored by Bank of America, my local financial institute of choice.

So with no commercial interruptions I proudly present to you: Adventures In Banking.

So today I woke up and decided it might be in my best interest to do my banking now, even though my bills were paid up and I had healthy amount of cash on hand for the weekend. But what I encountered at window 3 when I got on line almost sent me into a tizzy, actually it did. The only difference this time though was instead of getting tight and upset. I laughed hysterically.

And here's why:




For one, I know its not full blown summer yet but anybody wearing a down coat with a hood to boot is an absolute lunatic, especially if they're not wearing any socks. Things like that automatically raise my brow to a person’s mental capacity.

But hey its a crazy world. That was the 1st sign of fuckery to come. But when this dude opened his mouth to speak, the foolishness got turned up a whole other level. As soon as the teller asks him “how can I help you?”, this dude starts yelling at the top of his lungs like Samuel L. Jackson in about any and every flick he's every been in (that's another story), and amidst all of the noise spewing from this mans mouth, he bangs on the counter and almost begins to cry.



He went through all of that just to tell the teller that his account was in the negative by $33.

Now stop right there for a moment and digest that. This type of shit usually pisses me off and if you do any type of banking yourself, you know what I'm talking about, but like I said I'm on vacation, so let the games begin!

The teller then proceeds to ask “so how can I help you with that?”

His response was "I’d like to pay some of it off". This fool actually said “some of it” as in not the whole $33! The teller on cue like a true professional though follows up that obscenely bogus statement with "well how much would you like to pay sir?” and this is were the true madness begins, the dudes says “$15 miss, but I'm not good with filling out deposit slips". The teller says "fine I can help you with that" and he responds "wait there's jus one more problem I only have CHANGE".



That's right people this dude had $15 scattered around in coins somewhere in his NY GIANTS feathered-down winter coat with the hood, and yep you guessed it he was wearing that goddamn hood too! At this point I’d been trying to hold it in because I didn't want be the only asshole carrying on like I was in a comedy club. I mean come on this dude obviously had issues, something was going on, fuckery like that doesn't just happen overnight.

But I just couldn't resist and apparently neither could the people in back of me in line or the teller.



Actually all of the tellers.

For two minutes straight I was fully immersed in what felt like the set of a live taping of the Dave Chappelle show. Because everybody (and I do mean everybody) simultaneously burst out into hysterical laughter.

The dude, without hesitation, turned around and said "I'm so sorry y’all, I apologize for this", which just garnered even louder laughs. But as those mellowed out and this outlandish deal seemed to be over, the teller asked for his account number and he responded "ummm, I don't know it miss , I'm just gonna have to go with your best judgment" and with out pause teller 1 screamed NEXXXXT, and I was off and on my way to Graceland.

As I stepped up to handle my business those once friendly smiles turned to frowns and the growls grew behind me. I know this, because while still hysterically laughing, I peeked behind for a quick look, all the while thinking to myself “man-oh-man, I wish I had box of snickers to hand out, because y’all ain’t going anywhere for a while.



And they didn't. Because me being me I doubled back 10min later for some ATM business and he was still there!

I ran into the disgusting pizza delivery man. You know the type short, fat, long hair and snot bubbles everywhere. But you have to wait for that one, this post already a mile long and its Friday people, I got other shit to do, catch up!

P.S. I tried my best to take pictures of this madness for y’all, but the armed security from the Brinks truck was on deck and I didn’t want to set it off. We'll save that for another day, I'm outta here, ONE!