So today I took a look at the man in the mirror and decided that I was going to make a change. I'm going to become a massage therapist. Or masseuse. Ok, so I technically haven't "decided" yet, but I'm 90% sure that it's a notion that I'm at least partially interested in entertaining.
Y'see it all stems from these harsh economic times. I was looking for some off the books type of employment. Actually I was just pondering off the books type of employment and I considered becoming a skim-masseuse. I mean, I've got no formal training, but the hands that I'm using to type this very sentence are like gifts from Zeus himself.
For the past five years I've had coworkers seek me out for quick rubdowns during the day. My stuff is that good! And if you're an actual friend of mine you might even get the foot treatment and I learned from the foot effing master. I got my technique down and everything. I don't be ticking or nothing.
I mean my massages are so soothing that they put people to sleep. I used to massage my ex after a day in the grind and before I knew it she'd be snoring and drooling. Truthfully it was a double edged sword because on one hand it was an ego boost to know the relief that my hands could provide. On the other hand there were definitely some nights I was trying to smash and the massage was meant to be the prelude.
Anyway, the whole unlicensed masseuse idea got tossed because I figured that I wouldn't really be dealing with supreme clientele. I could just imagine it. It'd be one Saturday nite in the rain and I'd be on my way to Keisha's house or Yolanda's house or something like that. I finally get there and she's got something greasy planned. Maybe I think to myself it'll be easy. But in situations like that you know I’m no good so I decide to run. But I'm in the wrong part of town. And after the smoke is clear, things will never be the same again. Good times.
But then again, that might just be my imagination running rampant. Still, I'd rather not take that chance.
So I've decided to possibly look into going to massage therapy school. I figure this is like the first step towards getting one of those careers that I've heard so much about. And it seems like a relatively easy one to attain.
Honestly though I'm less than an hour away from calling it a night and to be fair, that means I'm about 15 minutes away from falling back on my go to career choice; being Green Lantern.
I always used to see those massage therapy commercials and thought it would be an easy way to make cash, but the thought of touching some hairy, sweaty, smelly perv makes me queasy!
ReplyDeleteI've never been a fan of massages. it always makes me feel like I'm being molested. it's nauseating and uncomfortable. I once had a bed buddy who gave AMAZING massages. He came over one night and I was whining a mile a minute about this and that and just nagging and complaining. he put his hands on my back and it felt so good that I was speechless...and I'm NEVER speechless! it was the one and only time I've ever enjoyed a massage. it came with a happy ending...for him. my masseuse would definitely have to be a 70 yr old mormor type.
oh, i get it. in the beginning you say you "took a look at the man in the mirror" to keep with the michael jackson mania theme.
ReplyDeletei see what you did there.