Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Fight The Power (Company)!

Ok, so I’m guessing most of you are familiar with how BGE put a serious cramp in my style last summer. I’d totally give you a recap, but really, you’re too lazy to click on a link to How I Got Violated By BGE ?

I mean really, c’mon. It’s a bloody link!

All caught up? Well I continued my silent protest of BGE. The only things that stayed plugged in 24/7 were the fridge, the stereo and the microwave. If I was charging the laptop or phone, I’d charge until it was 100% or until I was headed out and then I’d yank the cord from the wall like it was as leashed child headed too close to a rabid hobo.

But most importantly, I didn’t use my air conditioning. The entire summer.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that every day Skip Serpico’s Swinging Bachelor Pad felt as hot as the day depicted in Do The Right Thing.

And the heat was just one of the many parallels.

I began to stumble around in a delirium not unlike Da Mayor.

I found myself trying to be as stationary as possible mirroring Sweet Dick Willie’s posture.

I had as short a fuse as any of the Fragiones.

And obviously I was engaged in an essentially foolish boycott just like Buggin Out.

Sadly, I did not get to throw a shagging on a chick who was completely out of my league as Mookie did.

I’m sure most of the readers from B-more remember how hot the summer was. Now imagine going through it with the a/c off. What can I say, it was a matter of principle.

So after suffering for a month, I gave BGE a call in the middle of July in an effort to get my balance and see if my sacrifice had paid off. The kind woman I spoke to told me that they’d be checking my meter on July 24th and I was to expect a bill shortly thereafter.

And when the bill did finally come about a month ago it was a bill for $105.62. And that covered June 6th to July 24th.

That’s right. For a month and a half, in the middle of the summer, I had a BGE bill of just over a hundred dollars.

Sure some people might say “Skip, was all of the suffering worth it?

Hell’s yes it was! Sure I didn’t so much fall asleep at night so much as black out from dehydration. And every morning I woke up in a bed so drenched with sweat that it felt like I was laying in a waterbed that’d sprung a leak. But I had a BGE bill that hovered around the mid $50 range and in the fall actually got as low as $43.66.

Oh that’s right, I extended my boycott into the winter. In fact I didn’t even turn the heat on until Thanksgiving. I’m from Tucson, I don’t really do “cold” like that.

In the six months I’ve been in the new crib, the total amount I’ve paid for BGE is still less than the $433 deposit they charged me to begin service, which was allegedly 17% of the annual usage.

Basically the amount that BGE told me was 17% of what I’d spend in a year is actually closer to 50% of what I’m going to be spending on them for the entire year. So my sacrifice paid off. My summer spent in a self imposed sauna/hell, so hot that enjoying a candy bar was completely out of the question, was worth it because I got over on BGE.

I can’t wait for five months from now when they’ve got to cut me a check for my deposit. That check is going to be such a metal of valor that my first instinct is going to be to frame it or put it on the fridge. But I’ll probably just deposit it and blow money on a midget prostitute.

It was a gross picture, I'm promise you didn't want to see it.


  1. OMG I realize that was the name of this entry after leaving my comment. LOL great minds...

  2. The funny thing is that Jay1 actually gave it it's name. Even I didn't catch the obvious title. Jay1 gets all the props for that one.



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