Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ask Frankie...

Welcome to the newest column here at Fish And Spaghetti where you, the readers, get to ask questions (about pretty much anything from sex, love and relationships to which dress or purse or blazer goes best with a gold tooth or the best way to find out if your mate is cheating) and we give you the answers.

And by "We" we mean our resident know-it-all Frankie Nichelle.

She's anxiously awaiting your queries so feel free to send them in to, with the subject line "ask frankie", and she'll find a way to help you out the same way she helped these two readers...

Dear Frankie,

The new girl in my office is has been flirting with me since she got here about 4 months ago. She told me at lunch the other day that she's a swinger and wants me to mess around with her and her girlfriend.

The problem is I'm newly engaged and I don't want to hurt my fiance'. She suggested I should just come and watch and it's not cheating if I don't do anything.

What do you think?

Mars, 32, Delaware

Dear Mars,

I’m not sure if you’re a man or woman. Judging from the question, I would assume you’re a woman because you said fiancé instead of fiancée, but I’ll answer it for both sexes…just in case.

Woman: If you’re really into having this threesome, ask your co-worker if your fiancé could join…or at least watch. Every (yes, I said “every”, sue me!) straight man has a fantasy about two women fucking. If he insists that he doesn’t, he’s lying. Getting your fiancé to agree to the sexual encounter shouldn’t be difficult. If your swinging co-worker doesn’t want your fiancé to join, tell her it’s a deal breaker.

Man: You know you wanna do it. How many times in your life have you been offered to have sex with two chicks at the same time? This could be your chance! It’s not like you’re already married. Sow your wild oats before you get stuck in a marriage where you’re having the same boring, vanilla, missionary style sex with the same person until death do you part! I’m not sure how kinky your fiancée is, but maybe she’d want to join?

I try to make sure I’m always with someone who is sexually compatible with me. Whether it’s golden showers or threesomes, being sexually satisfied and in tune with your partner in a relationship is important, so you wanna make sure your partner is into the same sick shit as you…that way, you won’t have to sneak around or make a decision between a life of feeling guilty over cheating or a life of wondering what extreme freakiness you missed out on.

Mars, if you do decide to act on this ménage à trios or ménage à quatre (if you involve your fiancé/fiancée), be prepared for the aftermath. What if you want to do it again and another member of the sex party doesn’t? What if your spouse (if it’s a woman) turns into a card carrying member of the carpet munchers and doesn’t want you anymore? What if…? What if…? What if…?
Hmmm was I supposed to answer a question with a question?

Dear Frankie,

I wanna know why is it ok when chicks make a dude sleep on the couch when they upset about something, but when a dude's upset he's totally fucked up for wanting to take a walk and get a drink to blow off steam rather than argue?

Like what's really good with the couch shit?! That don't solve anything! What kinda mature is that?!

Flashing Lights, 25, Bronx New York

Dear Flashing Lights,

We tend to complain a lot about the habits of the opposite sex. We can either accept tolerate it, start dating the same sex, or just stop dating/having relationships all together. I don’t know about you, but getting fucked regularly is pretty awesome, so I’ve learned to conform when it comes to the opposite sex.

There are just some things about the opposite sex that you shouldn’t even bother trying to change…like keeping a man from his sports. Luckily for you, this habit your partner has of making you sleep on the couch when she’s angry can be changed.
I don’t know what your living situation is. If this is her house and you’re living WITH her…meaning even though she’s allowed you to live there, the sheets still have a lilac blossom pattern, you may be fucked.

BUT if you equally share the apartment and you’re contributing to the bills, why should YOU have to sleep on the couch because she’s upset? Demand your spot in the bed. If she has an issue with you snoozing next to her, she’ll either get up and sleep on the couch or she’ll stay up all night trying to argue. Take some Tylenol PM and wear ear plugs.

While she’s up all night being angry, you’ll be having sweet dreams of licking hot fudge off of Beyonce. You’ll wake up happy, feeling well rested while she’s spending her day in need of a coffee enema. By the next night, she’ll be too exhausted from staying up the previous night to argue with you and you’ll both sleep like babies.

If you have any questions about anything from parenting to that rash on your dog’s ass, please feel free to send an email with your question to

Note: I don’t choose which questions get answered or in which order they get answered so don’t get your pink sequined panties in a bunch. Be patient! Thanks!


  1. SMH @ "Golden showers"

    I see Frankie is now embracing her ability to annihilate relationships.

  2. Dear Frankie I have so much to say on this topic of relationship that if I get into my question now I will be LATE for work..I will be back later for my situation..and for your thoughts on it..LOL Girl your a mess see you later Honey

  3. Man, I love this new feature. This is definitly you keeps it real...


  5. This is sooooooooooo fucking funny! You should def be picked up by a newspaper, or E! or some shit!

    I'm following the fish&spaghetti blog now!



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