Last Tuesday, in the middle of the night, I got the bright idea to leave Twitter and write about the experience for today's Twitter Tuesday post. Almost three days into my project, I was kicking myself for not capturing it all on video. oh well, maybe next time -- actually, there won't be a next time. I'd sooner test the effects of crack on my system by sucking on a crack pipe for a week.
One minute I was tweeting about teabags (not to be confused with getting tea-bagged), AT&T, and mobile porn, the next minute I was gone from Twitter without warning.
The morning started out rough featuring a headache and a sense of WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO!? Of all the things to write about for Twitter Tuesday, I chose to remove myself from Twitter? WTF!? I literally had NOTHING to look forward to. I was praying that I'd have the world's most boring day because I couldn't bare the thought of not broadcasting the exciting, dramatic, comical, and/or adventurous moments in my day.
When I tweet something like this....
...it's my way of keeping myself from expressing how I really feel in public. Being able to just send an angry tweet from my phone and having my followers laugh/sympathize is a breath a fresh air. Nothing is healthier than venting and releasing all of that frustration. Unfortunately for the 4 year old sitting next to me, who took it upon herself to bite a chunk out of my B paper, I was taking a Twitter break. You know what that means!?
Instead of tweeting "I hope the little bitch gets worms", I smiled at her and said exactly what I was thinking. Her mother was NOT amused.
NightFall914 bared the brunt of my Twitter absence by befriending me. He was my own personal Twitter. You know how sometimes you log into Twitter to say "I wanna dye my hair lavender, but I don't think my boss would approve" ie every thought in your head? well, instead of tweeting this randomness, I was telling him these things on AIM + having mood swings + venting = a very bad first impression. Truth be told, I don't use instant messengers, EVER. I just needed to broadcast my thoughts.
The day was a complete drag! I contemplated deleting my Twitter account just to keep myself from logging in, but that was way too extreme...especially since the account restoration option was disabled. I had to turn off my device alerts to keep from getting text messages whenever I received a direct message. I had to delete Tabitha (Twitpic) and Tyrone (Twitter) from my cell contacts. Yes, I saved the numbers to mobile updates for Twitter/Twitpic as different names because when you're caught stopping you cart at the grocery store to update your status via text, you look like a complete loser texting to "Twitter". There's always some nosy person behind you reading! I even removed Tweetdeck from my computer.
The day ended quite early for me. I'm normally up until all hours of the night reading the raunchy TwitterAfterDark tweets . To avoid temptation, I drugged myself with half a bottle of melatonin chased with shots of NyQuil...well off brand NyQuil cuz I'm poor...
Throughout the night, I had nightmares about tweeting and the worst part was that I couldn't wake up in the middle of the night, tweet my nightmare, have it analyzed by my followers and go back to sleep. I was up by 5am checking my bank account to make sure my masters at the slave quarters paid me.To my surprise, there was NO pay check deposited into my bank account. It's 5am and your job hasn't deposited your pay check into your account. The bank is closed. The office doesn't open until 3 and a half hours from now when you arrive. Your mom is sleeping. You abandoned Twitter and you have NO ONE to vent to!!!!!!!! A vein popped in my face while steam came out of my ears. WAS THIS REALLY HAPPENING!?!?
The cherry on top was when Verizon disconnected my phone for not paying the bill. DUDE, SERIOUSLY?! My fucking shit doesn't have to be paid until the 6th of October and it's the 30th of SepFUCKINGtember! Give me a goddamn break! I was shitting my pants because I had NO idea where my pay check was and obviously my rent, that I never EVER pay late, was due on the 1st.
I called my boss to tell her I'd be late and the message was complete jibberish. I could only tweet it! I realized that Twitter had taken away my ability to SPEAK my frustration!
By day 3, I was receiving texts, phone calls, and emails about my absence from Twitter. It's just not like me to go more than 4 hours without tweeting. Even 4 hours is extreme. I've been known to tweet while sleeping...
My followers were concerned:
@Junderstated: hmm where is @FrankieNichelle?
@QueenofVague: where IS SHE?!
@MilleLopez: I miss her! Tag her too 4 me JED
@XxDaRkAnGLxX: Does anyone know where @frankienichelle is?
@PhilliDaGreat: @FrankieNichelle where u at!????
@PhilliDaGreat: I text her n no response :-( (FYI he didn't text me)
@stinkiepinkie: @frankienichelle You get kidnapped? You in detox? Abducted by space aliens? Explored with probes? Where in the world is @frankienichelle?
@Mr_BootyLuver: @FrankieNichelle rumour has u been turning tricks in Vegas not true?
@HoTacha: I'm almost done with my tweet train...Where the hell is @FrankieNichelle ?
@JuniPerez: @FrankieNichelle Where you be? Africa? Kanye says Dave Chapelle can disappear better than you.
@electrodreams: I resorted to searching for @FrankieNichelle tweets in the search bar.. apparently I'm not the only one wondering where she is...
@kevinclamato: Where is @FrankieNichelle?
@queenofvague: like, seriously, 3 days w/o @FrankieNichelle... i'm worried. @celebrityhood: where is she?!
@celebrityhood: @QueenofVague Girl, I don't know. When I drop a text she's doing alright. We must get to the bottom of this.
@peachyt82: Where is @FrankieNichelle?
@BrickShasha: @FrankieNichelle HOLY FUCK! Your last tweet was 18 hours ago. I'm concerned. Don't make me call Bmore pigs cause I will!
@maddmanphilly: where is my boo @FrankieNichelle
@queenofvague: did you kill @FrankieNichelle??! @ihuntmidgets
@queenofvague: what the bloody fuck!! i ain't heard from @FrankieNichelle @ihuntmidgets in forever.
@mz340VI: Me either! RT @QueenofVague: what the bloody fuck!! i ain't heard from @FrankieNichelle @ihuntmidgets in forever.
@SuperTrav3000: is @FrankieNichelle dead?....i miss her ranting
@ilovemycooper: @FrankieNichelle no tweets all day? are you ok??? :)
@concitedbastard: And @FrankieNichelle didn't tweet yesterday!!! Wooww!!!
@lashay83: Hey i havent see my good friend @FrankieNichelle tweet all day today...lol
@PhillyREDMAN: @FrankieNichelle hello???
@stinkiepinkie: @FrankieNichelle I'm no detective although sometimes people do call me a dick..Just received a ransom note with letters cut out of newspaper
@stinkiepinkie: @FrankieNichelle It said if you ever want to see @frankienichelle tweet again...leave the suitcase filled with money in trash near the park.
@stinkiepinkie: @FrankieNichelle It said no cops and no funny business or the deal is off. Inside the envelope was also a finger.
@stinkiepinkie: @FrankieNichelle I got 8 more envelopes in the middle of the night
@PhillyREDMAN: @XxDaRkAnGLxX she text me and said she quit Twitter (SMH wrong)
My twats were missing me and I wasn't around to soothe their aching withdrawal. I don't know what the hell aching withdrawal means, but I was having withdrawal symptoms of my own!
Day 4 was a blur. I was so angry at myself for not turning this thing into a video blog...especially now that I have to convey with WORDS how horrible this experience was.
To the people who aren't addicted to twitter, let me explain. Twitter is:
1- a way of life...no, I'm kidding but when I typed the words "Twitter is", "a way of life" just sounded right.
2- a distraction from day to day bullshit. Seriously, if you get into a mind stimulating @ reply session (ehem...like when SkipSerpico was active on Twitter), it might stop you from calling your ex fuck buddy out of sheer boredom and regretting it later.
3 - Wanna know which movie to rent? ASK YOUR FOLLOWERS! That's at least 3 replies per 50 people following you!
4 - Got a health issue, but no access to WebMd?
5- Parenting advice?
6 - Lame inspiration to get you through the day? Follow RevRunWisdom
7- Venting booth? Seriously, Twitter is my venting booth and if you know me, you know how angry I am...ALL THE TIME!
8 - Need reassurance? Having a bad hair day? Post a Twitpic and watch all of your followers tell you (mostly out of pity) that you hair looks wonderful...or that your new shoes are hot...or that those jeans don't make you look fat! sure, 89% of them are lying, but sometimes you just need that pick-me-up!
9 - Pimp your blog! ....or your facebook...or your myspace (who still uses myspace?)...or you demo tape...or event...or your dead end clothing line! Twitter is the way to go for advertising ANYTHING! Your daughter's Girl Scout cookie sale is just a popular ReTweet away from being a HIT! I'll have 4 boxes of the Samoas, please!
That's just 9 out of 9,548 reasons why I love Twitter and I need it in my life until the next big thing comes along!
By the end of day 4, going into day 5, I couldn't take this shit anymore! I NEEDED TWITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In a fit of withdrawal, I picked up my crack pipe and took the biggest hit EVER...
While my return was not the second coming of Christ, did not include a ticker-tape parade and I was not made into a trending topic, there was much excitement upon my return.