When it comes to horror flicks, the F&S Home Office is pretty divided. Jay1 is a horror movie nerd. I’m not even a fan. Pinky’s MIA and Chet’s vote doesn’t count because he’s the goddamn intern who was supposed to be the blog afloat while we were complying with various subpoenas and cease & desist orders. Yeah, that’s right Chet, we’ll just have to see if you’re getting that precious college credit, won’t we?
But enough airing of dirty laundry, we’re here today to give you a pitch of a horror story, with a twist. A Haunting in Brentwood is destined to go down as one of the most notorious horror films in recent memory.
So, the story begins with a couple, Mildred and Rusty, moving into their brand new dream house, which was a steal for the neighborhood that it’s in. They’re living the American Dream.
But it quickly becomes a nightmare.
They soon become convinced that the house is haunted. They see weird things and can’t be explained. They hear odd noises in the middle of the night. It’s really creepy stuff. Then things turn up a notch when every knife in the house goes missing.
Fearing for their safety Mildred and Rusty contact various people who claim to be specialists in the field of the paranormal and everyone they contact tells them that the house is haunted and probably by more than one distinct spirit.
Mildred and Rusty gets a few rites performed that are supposed to vanquish the spirits, but it actually only riles them up. Now the spirits shatter glasses and cut off the electricity. Mildred and Rusty are very fearful.
They get back into contact with one of the specialists who tells him that the more the more information he has about who the spirits might be and how they died the more solutions he can offer them. So Mildred and Rusty looks into what happened at 879 S. Bundy Drive but come up short with nothing until they find out that the address was changed. Originally it was 875 S. Bundy Drive, the home of Nicole Brown Simpson.
Armed with that information they go back to the specialists who tells them that the best way to get rid of the spirits is get the person who killed them the first time around, OJ Simpson.
Mildred and Rusty find OJ at a bar drowning his sorrows. He’s broke and angry at the world for those trumped up charges in Las Vegas. Needless to say he’s not receptive to their plight. He still insists that he’s innocent and even offers up some of his intel on the “real killers.” He eventually relents when Rusty explains to him how his aiding a couple in need could be a sort of karmic balance to, y’know, murdering two people. He offers his help, but still insists that he’s innocent.
They take him back to the house and as they walk up the walkway OJ’s veneer begins to crack as he begins to show signs of emotion and there’s a hint of remorse in his eye. OJ then begins to give them a tour of their house and all of the good times that he spent there. His memories of his children and the meals that he ate. The parties that were held and even some celebrity anecdotes. And for a moment Rusty and Mildred forget a) OJ’s a killer and B) they live in a haunted house.
But once the sun goes down the spirits of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson are active again and they seem especially agitated that OJ is in the house.
Using the various accoutrements of spirit vanquishing (holy water, crosses and possibly a proton pack) OJ battles the spirits to a standstill, with a little help from the specialist who Rusty has on the phone.
The specialist gives Rusty what should be the kill-shot for OJ to deliver, but it doesn’t phase Ron and Nicole. And then the specialist realizes that the only way Ron and Nicole will leave is if they find peace. They aren’t angry spirits, they’re spirits that desire justice.
Now this is the point where we at F&S are divided. Jay1 thinks that OJ should offer himself up for sacrifice to Ron and Nicole. After admitting that he killed them, he’s assailed with every knife that went missing in the house in the previous weeks.
Chet, being the young whippersnapper that he is, also believes that OJ admit his guilt and offer himself up as a sacrifice, but he thinks that Rusty and Mildred should do the killing, because Ron and Nicole can’t. So you’ve got OJ willingly being murdered by two people who aren’t killers but want peace.
I actually believe that the ending should cut to OJ in a movies studio office pitching A Haunting in Brentwood to a disinterested movie producer who says “I think we’ve got the gist of it” as OJ is about to divulge the ending.
And there you have it. That’s our idea for A Haunting in Brentwood. Hopefully it’ll be hitting theaters in 2013 if there's anyone reading this who (or knows someone who) can greenlight a movie.
i told you...
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