Tuesday, February 16, 2010

20 Things I Figured Out From Being Snowed In The House For 7 Days...

So Baltimore had the worst blizzard ever recently and it kept most of the city, including me, trapped in the house for several days (for about 7 days, there were only 2 different times that anyone was able to safely go anywhere) and like the introspective, intellectually curious ponderer that I am, I had several revelations that I'm willing to share with you all. These are things I had the chance to sit around and give serious thought to...

20. Snow is way colder than I remember it being as a kid. I grew up in New York City, and in the winter we would go to central park and play in the snow for hours. I tried to play in the snow and could only go about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, my 7 year old had to be dragged back into the house after being out there for hours.

19. I really don't mind staying in the house all weekend when I have the option to leave, it's the idea of not having the option to leave that made it so frustrating.

18. Watching your "To Do" list slowly turn into a "Bucket List", is a beautifully tragic process and a sure sign that you might have a problem with procrastination. Especially if it says something like "Go To Gym" on it. Sigh.

17. The G.I. Joe cartoon has aged well, the Thundercats, not so much. I mean it's a really shitty show, like, even the animation and voice acting is poor. The plots are always absurd and the characters are terrible.

16. No matter how thirsty you are, Cosmopolitan Coctail Mix is not a good substitute for juice. Stumbling to the kitchen door at 3am and taking a giant swig of it out of the bottle will not quench your thirst, it will make you feel very gross.

15. Community is slowly but steadily becoming my favorite show. The funny stuff is really funny and maybe I'm just a sucker for love but I'm really into the romantic tension between Jeff and Brita. There I said it.

14. I don't get facebook. I don't know (and have never met or even seen in person) almost 30 percent of my facebook friends and I'm not sure why they or any of the other people who I actually have met, bothered to "friend me".

I only got a facebook page to promote the blog (back when I cared about blogging) and none of those fuckers even visits the blog. There's like 200 friends on my facebook and like 15 of them visit the blog. What's the point"? All they do is alert me to what they're farming or what mafia game they're playing and I could care less. Still, facebook is a great way to look at pictures of people you slept with or fooled around with or dated (or wish you did) and reminisce about the good times you had with them (or wish you did).

13. Drinking does not actually make me (or you or anyone else) funnier, more attractive, more charming, a better singer or a better dancer (like I thought it did for all these years).

12. I was dead wrong for thinking that "Lisa" episodes of The Simpsons were the crap episodes. I love The Simpsons, but for a long time if I saw that an episode of The Simpsons was on and it featured Lisa really heavy, I would turn the channel. I found her Budhist, vegetarian, goody-goody schtick to be annoying and it usually feels like the episodes were basically "very special episodes" of The Simpsons that find Lisa dealing with some kind of emotional turmoil and I found that boring. Upon further inspection though, the "Lisa" episodes are not just crazy funny but almost all my favorite episodes are "Lisa" epidodes.

In defense of my original opinion though, I have to say that while some of my personal favorite episodes (Like "Lisa On Ice" where she joins the hockey team or I Love Lisa where Ralph Wiggum gets his heart broken) are Lisa episodes, still, some of the worst episodes are STILL Lisa episodes. Wrap your head around that.

11. There Will Be Blood is an amazine movie. Its a rich, complex story and one of my favorite movies even though I don't fully understand it, but I love how there are so many metaphors and different things to interpret. I could talk about and disect it and try to figure it out for hours. Is it about greed and how the strength in greed creates repulsion for weakness? Is that why weakness was crushed at the end? Something was definitely metephorically crushed at the end? The last remnants of any sort of family?

Is it a metaphor for how the evangelical community the business community and the GOP manipulate each other? Are Eli and Paul the same person?! I don't know, lets get drunk and watch it again at my house!

10. I'm glad that John Mayers charm and wit blew up in his face. I find him annoying. I also like how his scandal reinforced the idea that no matter who you are or how big you get, you're never big enough to play around with the dreaded N word because that shit has had dudes way more important than John Mayer sheepishly apologizing at press confrences.

9. Kids don't listen very well but they will definitely imitate.

8. ?uestlove is kinda corny to me. I don't know what it is. He's a brilliant musician, but he's a real cornball.

7. On The topic of corny rappers, I think that if Charles Hamilton would have started rapping in the 90's he'd be bigger. I think that the fact that he is rapping in an era where you have to be on youtube several times a week or be lost in the shuffle, just set him up. If you're on youtube everyday, you're eventually gonna get caught looking stupid. Like when that girl punched him in the face and he disapeared for like, 8 months or whatever that was.

6. After all the cool stuff I've cooked during the week, I'm positive that if I was on one of those competition cooking shows like Top Chef or Hells Kitchen I would make it through at least 3 elemination rounds. At least. I would probably be like, the 4th or 5th person eliminated from the show.

5. I have a really big problem with finishing things that I start.






  1. Great list. I can only imagine being trapped in the crib for a weeek.

    Great list. Damn aint watched the simpsons in a minute.

  2. I loved this post!

    Staying in the house for a week was PURE HELL for me! My cable was out and no one was scheduled to fix it for an entire week *IF* they could get thru the snow. Even when I made it out of my apartment, it was pointless cuz the malls, grocery stores, movie theaters, etc. were ALL CLOSED! I packed my toothbrush, curling iron and panties and made an attempt to WALK to BWI airport so I could fly to Florida. That didn't work out.
    Did I mention that I was menstruating and down to my last 2 tampons??? TMI? fuck it.

    I used to hate facebook, but now I'm starting to like it since my brothers, sisters, cousins, and MOM are all on there. I like how intimate it is and how there are only like 5 people I've never met.

    Not a Simpsons fan, but I like Lisa episodes....any episodes dealing with the kids.

    I like John Mayer. I read the interview and he seemed like a rambling coke fiend to me *shrug*
    I couldn't figure out what the hell he was talking about to even get pissed off.

  3. I think I lost 12 brain cells and contemplated 3 homicides twice during the blizzard.

    Dont hate on the Lisa episodes-she's a doll. LOL

  4. finally, fishandspaghetti is back!


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  7. Yeah.... Great list J-Star! But let's see.... if you did not add take half naked photos of yourself for fun (and send a few..) or watch hulu or hours because your bullshit Direct Tv cable was out..you may have met your bored as shit snow match... ME!

  8. @Jay - I'm so glad that you mentioned Community because I've been meaning to talk to you about how bewildering your infatuation with that show is. We're gonna talk.

    @Keith - F&S is back! And all it took was the worst blizzard in Baltimore history.

    @J-Millz - Great point on hulu. You should really get Jay to explain his anti-hulu stance. It's hilarious.

  9. Great list! I actually have happily re-connected with some folks that I lost touch with on FB, so it's pretty cool for me. But your take on it is just plain hilarious (but true for many FBers)

    I definitely agree with you in regards to "There Will Be Blood." One of the gems of 2007, a year in which a few great movies were released.
    In regards to drinking, I think my Black Raspberry Belvie snow slushy days are behind me..LOL



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