Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Scary Ass Mexicans

So Arizona's been in the press a lot lately because of the whole shooting of Congresswoman Gifford which has naturally thrust their stringent immigration policy back into the spotlight.

And for the record we at Fish & Spaghetti have nothing but the utmost respect for Mexican and Mexican-Americans and we aren't really fans of Arizona's immigration policy or crackdown on illegal immigrants and brown people in general.

That said, in pop culture there are some pretty prevalent images of scary ass Mexicans floating around.  We don't know if it's enough to justify Arizona's bashing of La Raza, but we do know that these Mexicans scare the crap out of us.

Smiley, Sniper and Moreno (Training Day)

C'mon that scene when Alonso drops Jake off at Smiley's crib and they start playing cards is beastly.  It goes from menacing to terrifying in seconds.

They way the toy with him at first and then elevate things.  Now, I've never had my shit pushed in, but this scene made me shit my pants...with fear.

Ignacio & Cesar (Weeds)

Ignacio's a straight up sociopath whose penchant for violence went from "entertaining" to "scary" somewhere around season five.  Cesar's got that cool dispassionate thing down.  He always looks like he's ready to kill someone.

And is it a coincidence that when Weeds started to deal with the heavier aspects of drug dealing these two characters were introduced?

The Salamancas (Breaking Bad)

Oh, look; it's Raymond Cruz again.  As the unpredictable and equally unhinged Tuco Salamanca, Cruz was a shining example of why no one should want to deal meth.

Couple Tuco with Leonel and Marco, his rarely speaking and axe welding cousins and you've got one hell of an intimidating family tree.

 Plus there's Tio Don Salamanca, who taught them everything they know.


Anton Chigurh (No Country For Old Men)

Ok, so technically this guy might not be Mexican.  Javier Bardem's a Spaniard, but the flick takes place on the border, so we're saying he's Mexican.  Between his weapon of choice (a captive bolt pistol, how creepy is that) and his knack for playing mind games with his victims, he might be the scariest of all.

He's the reason why I don't tolerate the flipping of coins. If there's a decision to be made and someone pulls out a coin I'm like "fuck it, I'll do it! Just put the coin away."

Honorable Mention:

Salma Hayek (In everything) 

Sure she was scary in From Dusk Til Dawn as Santanico Pandemonium, the vampire stripper that can turn into a cobra for some reason, and who wasn't terrified at those gnarly eyebrows in Frida?

But the scariest thing about her is the fact that she is "sexy enough", according to one Fish & Spaghetti staffer who shall remain nameless, "to talk me into jumping off a moving truck just to get a whiff of her hair".  (Note the quotes on that.)

Ok, it was me who said it. 
And there you have it.
Be sure to return in a couple of weeks when we celebrate Black History Month by shining the light on Nightmarishly Horrifying Blacks.

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