Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Oscar™ "Predictions" 2011

It's that time again; the Oscars are this Sunday.  Every year the Kodak Theatre is packed full of phony industry types and status seekers.  It's all about the size of the name.  Most will only get a smattering of applause, but one lucky soul will reap the loudest and longest applause of the night.

You guess it; we're talking about the annual Montage of the Dead and which dead celebrity earns the coveted closing spot.

And in an equally annual event, we here at Fish & Spaghetti are offering up our complimentary handicapping of the Montage of the Dead.

(We are legally obligated to point out that our handicapping is for entertainment purposes only.  We don't condone gambling, unless you live in Reno, Las Vegas or Atlantic City or on a barge in international waters.)

Tura Satana 

While her main claim to fame was being Elvis' ex, but she also starred in flicks, so she's eligible.

But she's mostly known for her campy movies, which means that she's not likely to close things out.

Odds: 5000 to 1

Gary Coleman

He's famous for his work on the small screen, but he had a few films under his belt as well.

But this is the Oscars, not the VH1 Celebreality Awards. Plus I'm pretty sure he was working security at the Oscars a few years back.

Odds: 1753 to 1

Lena Horne

She was indeed a movie star, with the class and grace of the best of them.

Unfortunately, her heyday was sort of a dark time for Hollywood and she sort of brings up old wounds. Plus she'd really faded from the spotlight in recent years.

Odds: 1642 to 1

Dennis Hopper

Now this dude was a movie star.

His reputation for wild antics on screen and off will hurt his cause, though not as much as his being Bowser, King of the Koopas.

Odds: 1378 to 1

Dino De Laurentis

Influential producer.

But apparently he had a temper.  And the story of his treatment of Jodie Foster is infamous.

Odds: 1200 to 1

Tony Curtis

C'mon, this guy was a talent.

He's got a strong resume and really nothing holding him back from claiming that top spot, other than he died in the same 12 month span as some serious competition.  Any other year this would be his to lose.

Odds: 511 to 1

Leslie Nielsen

This well rounded actor made generations smile.

I've never heard a bad word about the guy. But his goofy demeanor mixed with the stiff competition means he's not really in the running.

Odds: 100 to 1

Pete Postlethwaite

An actor's actor who passed away suddenly.

You've got a sudden death of a popular actor and it's a mix for the top.  Sadly he's facing real heavyweights.

Odds: 25 to 1

Lynn Redgrave

Acting royalty and a true heavyweight.

You've got a beloved actress with tons of ties around Hollywood.  She's the front runner in terms of acting talent, but we think some behind the camera folks might edge her out.

Odds: 4 to 1

Irvin Kershner

Relatively famous director

The guy directed some of the most famous sequels in history, but he's not a household name. Still in the Kodak Auditorium his name will ring out.

Odds: 3 to 1

John Barry

Oscar winning composer.

He's already an Oscar winner and he's responsible for some of the most stunning soundtracks in cinema history.  He truly impacted the medium.

Odds: 2 to 1

Blake Edwards

Acclaimed Director

This is the guy to beat.  He's got an impressive resume of beloved films.  He's got classics under his name and he's worked with tons of talent.  He should be the guy to close things out.

Odds: Even Money

However since the actual Oscar telecast is still a few days away there's plenty of time for someone else to sneak in and steal the final spot.  As is customary, we're offering up some longshots.  Sure they aren't dead, but their careers are at the very least on life support.

Jack Klugman

We picked him last year too and fortunately he's still alive to make a return appearance.  Again, we love the guy but if he croaks, he's gotta close it out.

Odds: 30 to 1

Betty White

She's had an immensely successful 12 months and a career that stretches back to when MTV still played videos.  She's America's Great-Grandfather's Sweetheart.

But she's the last remaining Golden Girl

Odds: 50 to 1

Charlie Sheen

Given this guys lifestyle choices would anyone be surprised if dies in a few days? Also, we're betting that his eventual death is going to make David Carradine's look downright classy.

Odds: 23 to 1

Tune in to the Oscars on Sunday to see just how right we were.

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