Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Twitter Tuesday - Dear Questlove: Go Eff Yourself

Yeah, I know it's been awhile since we've done the whole "Twitter Tuesday." I'm kind of over the whole Twitter thing. It was cool in the beginning, but now it's just sort of "eh."

But given how I got put on blast on Friday morning I decided to resurrect Twitter Tuesday for a very special episode.

So, back on 3/13 Questlove tweeted an awesome link to youtube for the awesome Sexy Sax Man Serigo Flores. I watched it, twice and sent the link to Jay1.

He was equally slayed.

Thus you can imagine my amazement when Sergio Flores showed up playing with The Roots on Jimmy Fallon's 3/25 episode. It tickled me to no end. So I send Questlove the following tweet;


To me it seems clear that I'm waxing his car. Now, perhaps I should have mentioned Sergio Flores by name, but given that I was watching the East Coast airing, I didn't want to spoil it for anyone in any other time zone. Part of the awesomeness of the joke is not only how random it was, but that even as someone in the know I was caught off guard. I wanted preserve that anyone else how might have seen my tweet.

I go to bed and I wake up to find that Questlove's mentioned me in the following tweet;

Seriously? Questlove, I try to give you props and you try to put me on blast? What sort of crumb-bummery is that? I get it, you're the gatekeeper of cool and the only way to prove how cool you are is in contrast to how out of the loop other people are.

I never had a problem with Questlove before. I was completely tolerant of his obsessive "early adopter" antics and his incessant "bordering on hipster" namedropping. His talent on the drums completely overshadowed his glaring character flaws.

But to do that, to jump feet first into schumckery and wallow in douchetastic antics just seemed like something that was beyond him. Basically, I expected better from him.

And you're going to put me in the "we dont (sic) get jokes" crew? Yo, Questlove I know more about comedy than you can even imagine. Just because I'm not a practitioner of comedy doesn't mean I'm not a student.

Case in point, here are my top retorts to Questlove putting me on blast;

"Questlove, I probably didn't get the joke because I'm not used to you being in such close proximity to something funny."

"Questlove, want to see something funny, take a look at your album sales."

"Questlove, how'd you get away with Sergio Flores on the show? I didn't thing anything resembling comedy was allowed to be on Fallon's show."

"Questlove, I hadn't seen anything that funny since Howard Stern played you on your own show."

"Questlove, when you finish sucking off OFWGKTA, do me a favor and go fuck yourself."

"Questlove, wait, there was a joke on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? When? I'm going to need documentation on that."

But I didn't tweet that stuff because a) I wanted to take the high road and 2) I knew it'd make for great blog fodder.

And that's the story of how Questlove became my least favorite member of The Roots. He's even after Tuba Gooding Jr's sousaphone.

Right now I feel just like Ben Seaver did that one time he met his idol, Brad Pitt and became so congested with disillusionment that he tore Brad Pitt's posters from his wall. Fortunately his father was renowned psychiatrist Dr. Jason Seaver and he was able to help Ben work through his feelings.

I don't share a roof with a renowned psychiatrist so I don't have someone to help me wipe away the disillusionment that's streaming from my eyes and nose. Sure, Questlove might have proved to be the coolest guy on the internet, with his snark and his caustic tweet, but he also proved himself to be a hipster bully. And if you can even wrap your head around that concept, you'll realize how not cool that really is.

So congratulations Questlove, I hope you're proud of yourself. I've been "pwned" and suffered an "epic fail." You've made me the butt of a million gifs. You're the king of the internet, the talk of the town, the laughing stock of late night.

But, you're also down one fan. Good job.

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