Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Point/Counterpoint: Porn Star Wife?


Point, By Jay1:

I can understand how a dude can “date” or just “hang out” with a porn star (retired or active), but the idea of settling down with or willingly marrying one is just insane to me. I, unlike Skip Serpico, believe that it would be a huge mistake for a few reasons.



First, right off the top, there are the social ramifications. How would you feel going to a family reunion and having your cousins or uncles recognize your wife as someone they’ve seen butt naked and handling a group of sweaty men? I know that everyone has skeletons in their closet but not everyone’s skeleton involves bukake and double anal. Seriously, that is a tacky, awkward scenario that will probably ruin Thanksgiving dinner, or your grandma’s 80th or wherever you decide to drag this broad.

Imagine that instead of her being recognized at a family reunion, she’s actually recognized at school or daycare when the two of you go pick up your kids?

The saying goes “lady in the street, freak in the sheets” (or some variation of that depending on where you grew up), not “Freak in the bed, freak on DVD’s and websites all over the world that people will recognize when you go out”.


We all know that almost anyone you date has “been with” someone before you, but that would have to be where I draw the line.

Imagine going to a bar or a club with her. You know how many drunk idiots are gonna be asking for pictures? Or just grabbing her ass for no reason?

Now you have to risk getting your ass kicked in a bar fight over a girl that everyone in the club has seen with jizz on her face on the internet already. Yeah, that’s a real good look.

At least a regular chick doesn’t have a video documentary that details all the wild shit that went down before she got with you! And how crazy do you have to be to go into porn? Seriously. Does anyone doubt that whoever goes into porn, man or woman isn’t bat-shit crazy?

Also, she’s probably not ever going to be completely out of the porno game because I’m pretty sure there’s no Porn Star 401K plan. So a “retired” porn star is pretty much just a “porn star on hiatus”.

I know what you’re thinking, “most of those reasons are a reaction to people’s opinion of her, which shouldn’t matter to you if you love her”, and that may be true. So lets consider another aspect that doesn’t involve other peoples opinion.

Herpes.

I like to gamble. I play poker. I know about odds. You show me a porn star that you think doesn’t have herpes and I’ll bet my house that she probably does.

So we’re talking a crazy factor, multiplied by a skank factor, plus a disease factor. That’s some really bad math right there homie.

So yeah. As far as I’m concerned, even though I’m sure she’d be gorgeous and have a smoking hot body and that the sex would be great, settling down with a porn star is a huge fucking mistake.

Counterpoint, By Skip Serpico:

Jay1, you ignorant slut.

First off, if your wiz is college educated she’s done some stuff that would make a full on porn star blush. And if she’s done the whole Spring Break thing she’s done stuff that you’d have to pay a porn star double their rate to do.

Spring Break is just a porn job fair with alcohol.

If you’ve got a girlfriend and she didn’t lose her virginity to you that means she’s done some dirt. Think about what you’ve done with your exes, where you were a horny teenager or a drunk on freedom college student? Yeah man, your girl has been there and done that. And don’t even try to use the “there’s no video evidence” because it’s the year 2009 and every chick’s been in front of a camera at least once.

And let’s really emphasize how gloriously amazing that sex is going to be. This is someone who’s done it all and will probably be willing to do it again, with you! She’ll be down for whatever. Threesome? She had two before lunch. Anal? She’s already lubed and ready. HJs, BJs and even ZJs. It’d be so awesome not to have to beg or plead. Plus I could stop buying Roofies.

Have I mentioned the celebrity factor? The porn convention in Las Vegas is a big deal. It’s a huge deal. The stigma that porn used to have isn’t really present. The line between regular entertainment and adult entertainment is blurry as hell.



You’d have a wife, who has her own money, is a celebrity and you benefit from all that entitlement. The parties. The swag. The chance to trade up at some point later down the line.

Real talk; one of the first things I learned how to do in school was share. As a result I wouldn’t have problem if she was still active in the game. It’s a gig and a job just like anything else. It’s like one step beyond dating an actress and half a step past dating a video starlet.

Let’s get back to the sex. Think about the new horizons she could open you up to. "The Rusty Trombone". "The Dirty Sanchez". "The Slunky". "The Philly Cheesesteak". "The Porkpie Hat". "The Flower Pot". "The Dirty Dishwater".

You could fully check off your sexual bucket list.

I should also point out that the entire concept of “cheating” would be defunct. She has sex for a living. As long as you’re open about it and ask permission I’m betting you’d get the “ok” to occasionally sleep with one of her costars. Or two. At the same time.

And again, in this day and age, with internet porn, Girls Gone Wild and homemade sex tapes, who’s to say that the next girl you meet won’t be a porn star to some degree? Some of you are dating porn stars right now.

It could be you.

It could be you.

Or, it could be you.

8 comments:

  1. I'm going with Jay1 on this one.

    You have the defined, concrete evidence and realistic stats in your face of the porn life style(which many ex and current porn stars admit to) vs the well she could be/might a just as much of a freak view. I wouldn't down talk a guy that did marry a porn star, but I know it couldn't be me.

    And the moment porn star "swag" was mentioned the decision was clear.lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. gotta go with Jay1 on this.

    aside from making me sit on my hands to keep from googling "porkpie hat" from my office computer (try explaining that to the auditors), Skip's view on things made me wanna take a trip to the free clinic.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nah Frankie, you should be straight; we used a condom so it's kosher.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm gonna go with Serpico on this one.
    "So we’re talking a crazy factor, multiplied by a skank factor, plus a disease factor. That’s some really bad math right there homie."
    Nowadays this can apply to just about any woman. I say go for it, enjoy the ride! And let me remind u guys how much these women make.
    Dollar stars in my eyes...I just may marry a pornstar myself

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would say that all that they make so much money talk is a BIG bit of misinformation.Unless you dealing with a rare few white stars the many is NOT that crazy for the majority of actors. Holla @ Mika Tan or Jia for the real info.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Couldn't agree with Jay more. I'm not good at math but that shit don't add up. Plus how many 11.5" penises are you comfortable with your wife having had before?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thoroughly entertained. Although I personally couldn't do it, all the points made in the second argument are valid. All of them. Especially the parts about what your 'current' has done. People choose to live in denial about it but those things are BEYOND true. Most 'regular' are doing their thang and SURELY aren't running down to the clinic to get tested twice a year. Nevermind three and four times a year that the ave. porn star does QUARTERLY. So I can understand how a person who gives a sh#t what you, I or anyone else thinks could do that in good faith.

    I own property in that town of Denial tho so I am gonna say the first opinion. lol At least for the first go around of marriage(I am married btw) Second time though? All bets are off.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...