We here at Fish and Spaghetti are huge fans of the entrepreneurial spirit of America. We love the drive that causes people to go the extra mile for the extra buck. We love hustle and we completely respect those who get their grind on.
That's right; we think that drug dealers are about as American as apple pie.
Unfortunately it's against the law, so we're stuck praising fictional drug dealers. And while we love Baltimore's own The Wire, the reigns of Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell and Marlo Stansfield are over and it's time to crown television's new dealer du jour.
That leaves us with two options: Weed's Nancy Botwin or Breaking Bad's Walter White.
Oh, that funky smoke in the air? It's nothing to be alarmed at, it's just the Friday Face-Off.
Ok Nancy and Walt will be judged in three categories; Family, Connections and Product.
But before we get to that, here's a quick bio of each character.
Nancy Botwin was a typical suburban housewife, until her husband suddenly died, leaving her with two kids, too many bills and an inadequate skill set to sustain her lifestyle. So rather than get a job and downsize her lifestyle she opted to cop weed from the hood and sell in the suburbs.
Walter White was a typical high school chemistry teacher squeaking by on his salary. His son Walter Jr, has cerebral palsy. When Walt found out his wife was pregnant with their second child Walt took a second job after school, at a car wash to provide for his growing family. Then Walt was diagnosed with lung cancer and given less than a year to love. Realizing his jobs weren't going to provide for his family after he was gone, he opted for a "big score" using his chemistry expertise to manufacture meth.
Lets look at the Family aspect:
The Botwin clan is quite the bunch of characters. First up is Andy Botwin, Nancy's brother-in-law, who's as shiftless as a single cell organism. He's fun loving and good natured, but not really dependable. Nancy's son Silas is a reckless teenager. Silas is currently shagging a milf, participating in the family business and growing his own strain of weed. Nancy's youngest son, Shane is just plain weird. Traumatized by his father's death he acts out in irresponsible ways, like biting and imaginary friends. Oh and Shane also masturbated to an old nude photo he found of his mother.
Nancy's father-in-law Lenny also showed up and was another funny Albert Brooks character.
And Nancy's got another dead husband who happened to be a D.E.A. agent.
Meanwhile in New Mexico, Walt's family is a bit more down to earth.
Like we said, Walt Jr has cerebral palsy, but he's also got a wit and a smart mouth. Walt's wife, Skylar smoked while pregnant, distrusts the mysterious acting Walt and might have a crush on her boss. Walt's sister-in-law is a kleptomaniac and her husband, Hank, is a D.E.A. agent who suffers from panic attacks.
On paper they both seem to measure up equally, but in "reality" The Botwin clan wins pretty decisively. One thing going in their favor is that they're all aware of the drug dealing going on, which allows for some levity. Walter's fam is in the dark, which means suspicion, lies and mystery. The Botwin clan is just more fun and a better bunch of characters.
Advantage: Nancy Botwin
Nancy's had quite a few different connections over the years. In the beginning she got her weed from Conrad Shepard and Heylia James. Then Conrad and Nancy decided to start their own grow house which brought them the attention of the vicious U-Turn who tried for force them to work for him, to bad results.
Then Nancy hooked up with Guillermo and got into the south of the border trade via drug trafficking. Now she's hooked up with a major Mexican cartel and all of the resources that entails.
Speaking of Mexico, in the "New" one, Walt started out working for a distributor who thought he was D.E.A. That relationship ended badly. His next distributor was Tuco, who could conservatory be described as a psychopath. That relationship ended equally badly.
Walt (and his partner Jesse) decided to go it alone for a spell, but tried to grow too big too fast. Eventually the found a new distributor who would buy their product wholesale but the honeymoon for that working relationship seems to be wearing off.
Walt also has his own consigliere in the form of Saul Goodman, who provides priceless advice about the ins and outs of an illegal enterprise.
Let's be real, neither of these characters are built for this business. Nancy's just stepping up as a mother and Walt's trying to set his family up for his inevitable demise. But Walt is clearly more business minded. Sure he's got the benefit of having a spouse to be the responsible parent, but he's also go the business acumen to get into the wholesale market as opposed to retail. Plus having your own consigliere is always a good thing.
Advantage: Walter White
Nancy's product has varied since she got in the business. First it was supplied by Heylia. Then Conrad's own MILF Weed strain was a hit. But when her grow house burned down she got out of the trade and into trafficking. Sure Silas is currently working on creating his own strain of weed to market, but it's not really a viable property at this moment.
Walt, on the other hand has the best meth in the land.
It's got it's own signaure, it's blue as a result of the purity of one of the ingredients, and dealers can charge double the going rate because it's so good that meth heads are willing to pay. Also, Walt and Jesse cook it up themselves. We'll put it to you like this; Walt's new distributor bought 38 pounds of his meth for 1.2 million dollars.
C'mon. do we even need to recap how they size up? 1.2 million dollars for 38 pounds. 1.2 million dollars weighs more than 38 pounds. Seriously.
Advantage: Walter White
And there you have it. While Nancy Botwin's got the more interesting family, Walter White's got the better organization and the superior product. Thus, Walter White is television's best drug dealer.
Next Week's Friday Face-Off: Who's better at "passing"; Jennifer Lopez or Rashida Jones?