Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Twitter Tuesday: "Twusband and Twife?"

Sometimes on Twitter, two people connect out of similarities with one another, attraction, or maybe they just both happen to be up at 4am on Twitter talking to one another because the rest of the world is sleeping. Whatever the case may be, it’s usually a male and female. These people are called Twubby & Twife (Twitter Husband and Wife, get it?) Yes, I know it’s corny, but I don’t make the rules.

For those of you who are not active on Twitter, people in the Twitter community have a Twitter language where the first 2 letters in the beginning of the word are replaced with Tw. For example, People would be Tweople or even Tweeple. Got it? I know, I know. Let’s all do an eye roll in unison.

These people are almost always perfect strangers who don’t live anywhere near one another because if they did, it would only be logical to just meet and fuck instead of refer to one another as husband and wife on the internet.

So last week I was reading about this guy who actually became an ordained minister on the internet so that he could marry couples via Twitter.

I don’t mean Twitter husband and wife, but actual real life husband and wife with a marriage certificate, joint income taxes…the whole nine yards. The dude’s name is Michael Buchino. He originally posted an ad on Craigslist in his hometown offering his marriage services.

He’s only ordained in Oregon, but he’s trying to become ordained in other states as well, most likely because nobody cool lives in Oregon. I mean really, who lives in OREGON!? I bet 30% of the people reading this can’t even find Oregon on a map.

I’m not calling you stupid. I’m just saying….IT’S OREGON! There's even a town there called Boring.

If Mike wants this thing to work, he needs to become ordained in the states with people looney enough to take a dare on a real marriage via Twitter. I’d do it, but we all know how seriously I take marriage.

I suppose the benefit of getting married on Twitter would be attention. If a Twitter crash, follower competitions between CNN & Ashton Kutcher, or Perez Hilton pleading to his fans via Twitter to call the cops on Will.I.Am can make the news, surely a Twitter wedding would get some kinda blurb right?

Also, think about how much money you’d be saving on not paying for a gown, tuxedo, flowers, church, caterers, etc.

If you got married via Twitter, you wouldn’t have to hear your long distance relatives bitch and moan about the price of a flight. This is actually sounding like a good idea.

But how would it work? Like, would he say, "Dearly beloved, we have logged in here today to twitness the marriage of @groom and @bride"?
Will the minister tell them to Retweet (RT) after him before saying “I do”? And really, can you refer to it as “holy matrimony” if it takes place on Twitter?

While there have been marriage proposals on Twitter, I think that an actual wedding taking place on the micro-blogging social networking site would be an automatic FAIL!


  1. I know I'd definitely do it... if I wasnt already married of course! lol

  2. Seems way easier (cheaper) than getting married in real life. You could tweet #6caratdiamond to her and dm with your vows

  3. how the hell did twitter get so big? it''s the stupidest thing since myspace.

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