Monday, September 14, 2009


Last week I brutally attacked by a mosquito. At least I think it was a mosquito, it might actually have been a school of mosquitoes. Or do mosquitoes travel in herds?

Anyway, it was painful. I was in agony. But I had to remind myself that there are things that suck worse than getting brutalized by a pride of mosquitoes. Here are three such things.

Getting stuck in a conversation with a Twilight fan - Why the hell does every generation feel the need to fall head over heels for vampires?

I lived through it twice with The Lost Boys and Interview with a Vampire. But now vampires are huge again because of Twilight.

And talking to one of those Twilosers is torture. I don't want to read your stupid book. I'm not interested in vampires, werewolves or lame chicks that live vicariously though a character in a young teen novel. Get a life already.

Hitting the bloody pin in Wii Sports Resort Golf – Whenever I visit Stately Fish & Spaghetti Manor I play a few rounds of golf on the Wii.

I do ok, but I'd to much better if they'd take the damn pin out of the hole. I swear I can't count the number of strokes the stupid pin has cost me.

It's messed up my putts. It's messed up my landing on the green. In fact the pin in golf is just shy of being as much of an annoyance as the dog in Duck Hunt. Sure, they both seem like they're there to help you, but as the game progresses you realized just how much you resent both of them.

Realizing just how close to happiness you came with your ex – I mean really, what sucks more than that? Remembering all of those quiet moments and thinking of how if maybe you'd filled them with the right phrase you'd still be together with the one person, possibly the only person, who could fill the even widening void in your heart.

Every now and again I think about "HER" and I curse the day that I promised we'd always be friends, no matter what. And while that's just one of the stupid things that I regret saying to her, it's the one that comes to bite me in the ass more often than not.

Not that I don't love hearing about her perfect life with her doctor husband and her less than a year old child, because I am truly happy for her. I just wish that a) I knew the exact moment that our relationship began to derail and b) how to go back and prevent that moment from coming to pass.

Even when we hung out as friends, before the husband was even a fiancé, she could still bring a smile to my lips. It was like just going to lunch with her provided a glimpse into an alternate reality where we were happy together, with each other. I'm not one for regret or yearning, but I feel both whenever "SHE" enters my mind.

What, you wanted something funny? We're not a one-note blog here. Just because we were nominated for Best Humor Blog in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards, doesn't mean that we're only about humor. Sure sometimes we can funny, but we're also capable of poignant. We run the full gamut of emotions; from anger to joy, from relish to lament. And if you can't deal with that, we've got four words for you;

Sit on it, Potsie.


  1. what the crap you stay friends with her for?

    only remain friends with an ex if their life sucks.

  2. answer the damn question skip! these broads are trying to help your silly ass!

  3. @Everyone - My bad. I thought those were rhetorical questions and were more just comments on the piece.

    We're friends for a couple of reasons.

    1st - I said we would be before we got together. I'm an honorable dude and I keep my word.

    B - If I lose that friendship then I don't have any friends who knew my from before college. There's something to be said for a friendship that's spanned a generation.



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